A + B = Colleen

Tuesday, October 24, 2000 03:40 p.m.
what a dorkus I am. Sialia Sialis is a type of bird, not something in another language! I am SUCH an idiot! I guess it just looked like a souvenir t-shirt to me. And duh! There's a picture of 2 birds on it Colleen, maybe the little words right beside the birds is the NAME of the birds? OH! and just imagine me, over at the Altavista translator going "hmmm...it doesn't sound like its Russian, but I'll try it just in case..." Fool. Oh, and I jsut want to state how much I love it when Supergrass tour, because their tourdiary is always so much fun. Their tour diary is located at: http://www.childrenofthemonkeybasket.com. Recent excapades include musical chairs in Phoenix [which is alllll documented and placed up for the fans to see in the tour diary], and dressing up in funny moustaches [again. Seems to me thats a favorite of theirs to do on the road...]

Monday, October 23, 2000 04:26 p.m.
blah. MEGMEGMEGMEGMEGMEG email me! please?
some things i want to say: doing your math in pencil crayons is fun and pretty...until you screw up and it's all un-erasable.
Pretty much everyone has RSVP'd to my party. Ellen hasn't but I know she's coming, Cherakee did in school to me, and Anne? Well, she emailed me mournfully and enigmatically citing an "appointment" as the piece du resistance, but then during Chemistry amid more party talk she just said "oh forget what I emailed you! I'm coming!" excitedly. So...I'll clarify tomorrow.
The week after I came home from Toronto I listened to 'Live Through This' for a few days non-stop [I was feeling evil, so I spent several evenings locked up in my room with my daily notes and homework and screamed along with Courtney Love. Hole is a good band for me to love, because to sing along requires much off key screeching, which, funnily enough: is my specialty.] Then that weekend it was The Bends and PJ Harvey. Now, since Friday it's been 'Celebrity Skin.' Live Thru This and Celebrity Skin are both albums I had listened to so obsessively at the time that I haven't been able to listen to them for a LONG while. Strange. Oooh, Amanda gave me a gigantic PJ Harvey thing today. Sweet Jesus. I can't wait for her new album.
Yearbook assembly today. No pictures of me. Phew. Because they have quite a few little gems from grade 7 that I will pay in blood to have the negatives returned to me. We were surprisingly high tech this year, hooking an imac up to the projector, using pictoors taken from a digital camera, and playing music on the Imac.
and...ummm....I'm looking for someone to *give* a layout to. I made [don't laugh] Halloween layouts for my page, which will be up I SWEAR as soon as Meg emails me back!, except I ended up making a couple, really nice ones too [at least, in my opinion.] and I can't decided which one I shall use. i don't want to waste one, so I'd be happy to send someone the codes and images and stuff as long as I'm given credit. I'll set up a place where you can view it if you're interested, email me [address above], and I'll send you the address to take a gander. They're not tacky orange and black type deals with bats and smiling pumpkins or anything, they're quite along the same vein as my usual layouts: minimal, white background, black text, black and white pictoors. And the pictoors are Rocky Horror and Elvira. So it's not even a Halloween layout really, it's just a regular layout, perhaps a little spookier than normal. hell, if you just want the pictoors, no prob. at any rate, email me if you're interested.
Alex and I went to Frenchy's and the mall on Friday. We picked out costumes [I bought a vintage, reddish/brown, full length leather jacket for $11. Spiff. That + my cowboy hat necklace + a cool howdy doody type cowboy hat from San Fransisco [local store] + my aviator sunglasses + toy guns and gun holsters, + a badass expression on my face= Colleen, badass cowgirl for Halloween.]. I ended up wearing my leather jacket to the mall, because I wanted to see if my cowboy hat looked good with the jacket. I looked like a total knob, one of these hicks who *dress up* to loiter around the mall on a Friday night. And Alex beside me looking prep in my new preppy fleece vest that I had to buy to wear to work. What a pair we were. Jake, who was working at Shopper's @ the time said I looked cool. But Jake is seemingly a leather afficionado, so perhaps he is biased. I forget how much HIS leather jacket cost. It wasn't $11, that's for sure. I also bought a t-shirt @ Frenchy's that ahs these 2 pretty birds on it. I am strangely drawn to it. it says "Sialia Sialis" on it. I wonder what language that is, and what it means. Off to the Altavista translator I am, to go find out I guess...[as clever as Trixie Belden. as pretty as Nancy Drew.]
I've had an Amazon wishlist for months now. It's quite large @ the moment. I need new books and cds so bad. In the absence of an actual webpage, perhaps you can go and look at my wishlist [here]. And also sign my guestbook.

Thursday, October 19, 2000 03:30 p.m.
i'm sorry. i guess my promises are seriously devalued currency [worth less than Canadian money, even.]. I said I'd have stuff up by last weekend. But then I worked. And had homework. And this weekend is my sweetie Andrew's 8th birthday. Do you know what I got him? A metal detector. Yep. And he's gonna love it too. He wanted one. I got him one. I wish I had a cool older sister when I was young who overrode mom's silly 'appropraiate' notions. I wanted a metal detector when i was a kid. Mom said I 'didn't need one.' Bullshit. I wanted to go to the beach and find treasure! Although, at the time, I lived in Toronto, like 3 hours from a beach. Hell, I could've gone to Lake Ontario and found some pretty interesting stuff, like....say the Jellie I lost in the polluted waters there one summer in the early nineties. Anyway, I'm Andrew's cool older sister who lives her childhood through him. I revenge my childhood through him. Everything I wanted as a child and never got I get for my brothers. Although, it's no fair, since there's such an agegap between my brothers and my older sister and I [Andrew is 8 years younger than me. James is 10 years younger than me.], my parents are older now [45 and 52, mom and dad respectively] AND separated, they just don't care anymore. Andrew and James will have a very lax childhood in comparison to Kathryn and I.
Anyway, I have emails to return [jamie! I will! I promise!], a page that hasn't been updated since August, last layout was early September, shitloads of schoolwork [English in particular...grrr] and then work on top of that. And of course there's the Halloween party which I've come to the conclusion I'm only having to take my mind off work and school. It's only happening so I have something fun to waste my time on in the weeks leading up to it. Now that the concert's over everything is sort of pointless and anti-climax. Going to Cabaret was the highlight of my week. i was so sad on the busride home, knowing the highlight of my week was over, and it was only Tuesday. 2 tests and a quiz and history assignment all due this week. And various English things that I rush to get done and then he DOESN'T EVEN COLLECT!
Anyway, on Tuesday 27 from grade 11 and 12 drama went to halifax to see Cabaret @ Neptune Theater. On the way up I got stuck sitting alone on the mini bus [NERD!], but Amanda joined me because she was crammed into a seat with 2 others and was falling off. We each listened to Kid A [Ellen has 2 copies...] on our respective discmans [hers was much better than my crap discman that I have to practically beat to get it to play music. But I think it was her brothers...]. At least I think she was...at any raate I was for the first time and found it to be a good cd. I love listening to music on a long distance car ride. With all the trees whipping by like ghost monuments. Anyway, one song put me in a trance that felt like a cage. The repetitive beat made my eyes cross and my facial muscles sag. I was *thisclose* to drooling I was so spaced out. Which freaked me out, and then I couldn't snap out of this Kid A induced trance which freaked me out even more. Which was why I ahd like a mini-mentalbreakdown trying to get out. So I finished with Kid A as we neared halifax. I quickly gave it back to Ellen, and tried to find something that would dig me out of my total melancholy [it was Kid A's fault!], and I put on 'Is This Desire?' which probably wasn't a good idea, since it's the cd that reminds me of Amanda and that I put on when I miss her, and considering the fact that she's sitting closer to me than we've physically been since...uhhh..May? It's also pretty melancholy, but I skipped to 'No Girl So Sweet' and listened to it 7 times. 'No Girl..' always restarts my heart and I gripped the seat so I didn't jump up and flail about. So, needless to say by the time we got to 'Alfredo, Weinstein,a dn Ho's' I was feeling quite evil. We stood around and finally got let into the restaurant. I decided to wear my skanky red halter top that I bought to wear to the concert. I wore the same tiara too. I also strapped on my new studded bondage bracelets. They're Elvira bracelets. She's on the package. I wanted them last Halloween, but the store packed up it's Halloween stuff literally the day after Halloween. It was Cabaret for christ's sake, i thought I'd tart up a bit. The play was good. I'd seen the movie, but no one else really had so eeryone was just being exposed to it. A lot of them want to go back and see it again [alas, this is it's last week.] Jake bought the cd he liked it so much. So now I'm thinking I'll rent the movie with Liza [who is Sally Bowles...] Minelli for the party. I ended up sending invitations via evite.com. A cool place. So far, 7 people have RSVP'd. And I guess Justin asking me today at school "so....uhhh...what are we supposed to wear? A Halloween costume?" means he's coming...
I got pictures back from one of the cameras I had in Toronto. They're ok. I hate pictures of myself. I really do. For awhile I relented and started letting people take pictures of me again, but I think I'll revoke that.
So, now the costume possibilities are: A) Angel B) Cowgirl or C) dominatrix [which my mother is freakishly keen on.] She also suggested we spike the punch. My mother is psychotic. In a good way.
Yesterday afterschool, I was last in the class, and Ms. Crozier [sometime History substitute, last year's student teacher. She's cool.] asked me how my sumemr was. I told her about going to Fredericton and becoming nocturnal. And then she asked the question I knew she was bound to ask: "So, what's the story with you and Amanda and Cherakee?" I knew she was puzzled, because on the first day she substituted this year, she looked at me, sitting alone and unusually quiet [at least, for my standards, and considering the rowdy girl she knew last year...] and said sympathetically "...alone for this class are we Colleen?" as in "none of your friends in this class?" and I simply replied "yep..." as Cherakee and Amanda walked in, chatting, and proceeded to their seats at the back of the room. I saw Ms. Crozier look puzzled at them and hoping to avoid the issue I looked away, or busied myself with finding a pen, or something else trivial. During that class, their was an Enemy Wasp loose in the classroom, so Cherakee, jake and Amanda moved up and ended up sititng behind me, in almost the identical spots where the 4 of us all sat last year in History. Ms. Crozier didn't know what to think. And when she finally asked me, I didn't know what to say. "uhhh...we're not friends anymore..." was all I could manage as Dustin listened with interest. "Oh! That's too bad! What happened?" "ummm...well..it just wasn't- we just....they just weren't treating me properly, I guess," I shrugged hoping that that was enough of a half explanation to satisfy her. "oh...did they stab you in the back? Girls can be like that..." she asked. "No! No, nothing like that..." I rushed to correct her, "things...just went south, fault all around probably..." I think I said. Ms. Crozier said things like "most of my friends are guys because girls can be like that..." and "...you'll find a lot of friendships dissolve at this point in your life, I know some did when I was your age...." I nodded along with her but still wanted to clarify: "we're not, you know enemies...I mean, I just invited them both to a Halloween party I'm having for Christ's sake, and if I didn't still like them, I wouldn't have, like out of courtesy or something. It's not like we talk but that's not really my fault...anyway, that's a long story..." I trailed off, realising I was getting deeper into a story i didn't feel like explaining. I didn't want to explain that, at this point there still is virtually no communication, but it's not my fault, that I've dug my heels in and am stubbornly refusing to be the one to open gates that I know can be easily opened, but that I defied my declaration by inviting them to the party [which Alex helpfully points out every so often...]blah fucking blah. It's too long a story to tell. And it was the end of the day. I just wanted to go home.
I would change the layout for this Pita, except I won't bother uploading anything until Meg emails me back with my info. I'm making Meg a mixtape. And Jamie. And Sarah. Lord knows when I'll get that done...

Friday, October 13, 2000 03:17 p.m.
I added 4 new links to this Pita. I added one in 'DirtyFun', it's a quiz to see which character you are from Sex and the City. [again, I'm blog recycling...I think I originally found this link in Gleebs' blog.] The only reason I posted it up here, is because Amanda, Cherakee, Alex and I used to always assign each other characters. We were always unanimous that I was Samantha, but no one could agree on who the other 3 were [if you ask me? Miranda=Amanda, Charlotte=Cherakee, and Carrie=Alex.]. And surprise surprise: I took the frigging quiz and I am overwhelmingly Samantha. I also added a new section to the links and filled it with 3 Geoff McFetridge links. He's an artist I read about in RS's hotlist and I investigated him on the web and I'm totally in love with his work. His work is like Matthew Good's manifestoes if they were art.
In other news...the Halloween party has been cleared for the 27th. I'm wondering about invitations, or should I just do it verbally? I mean, I don't want this party to be astronomically expensive [but yet, I'm in no way going to go cheap or scrimp on anything.], I don't want to have to incur any totally unneccesary costs. Maybe if I find some totally, totally cool ones somewhere [where? bridgewater only HAS one card shop now, and Carlton Cards sucks.], or I could ALWAYS make some [do I have the TIME? I have a few tests and assignments coming up, along with work. You can tell by the neglect of this site that I don't have much free time anymore. It's mid October. Exams are like a month and a bit away....unfortunately, since I'm working this year, I will also be working a HELL of a lot around Xmas, time that should be reserved for studying, so I *hope* to start the studying process in mid to late November.] Anyway, sometime this or next weekend, i need to get out to Frenchy's and see if I can put a costume together. If i can't find anything original or exciting [I sort of have a standard to live up to. last year I was like, the Lady Bug From Hell.], I'll just stick on my white shirt and my angel wings. Which, i guess is ok...except I was an angel when I was little and I don't like to repeat costumes. I have to work tonight. I'm on call for tomorrow. So, hey, what should I be for Halloween? Email me and tell me...

Wednesday, October 11, 2000 04:21 p.m.
ok I'm back. I won't go into detail about my trip or the concert, I think I'll write up the whole long story and post it on my page sometime in the near, near future. I got back late Monday night. I promise, promise, promise I'll try to put up a new layout this weekend [as for updates, that's another story entirely...]. Anyway, I wanted to post the tracklisting to Kathleen's mixtape since I jsut got word that she has received it. It was officially titled: Coma Songs, and it was subtitled: (How To be Depressed), due to the extremely melancholic nature of the songs. The coverart ended up nicely. It was a picture of a girl with blue glitter and blue all around her, and a glazed faraway expression on her face. And then I cut the title out of tiny letters [whenever I do things with letters cut from magazines, I just about kill myself looking for thigs in the same font and size. if you have a bunch of one type of magazine, you'll usually find a font there, for example, I used the tiny letters from the cd review sections in a bunch of Access mags.] and put it along the bottom and side. Very stark and simple, much like the tape itself. W/O further ado here is the tracklisting:
Side A = -Sally Ann by Rufus Wainwright -To Forgive by The Smashing Pumpkins -Angelene by P.J. Harvey -Porcelain by he Red Hot Chili Peppers -Gold Dust Woman by Fleetwood Mac -Suburbia by Mathew Good Band -You Look So Fine by Garbage -Is This Desire? by P.J. Harvey -I Know by Fiona Apple -A Fine Romance by Ella Fitzgerald
Side B = -Fade Away and Radiate by Blondie -Milk by Garbage -Doll Parts by Hole -Thompson Girl by the Tragically Hip -The Inescapable Us by MGB -Stroke of Luck by Garbage -Sullen Girl by Fiona Apple -Barcelona by Rufus Wainwright -My Man by Billie Holiday -The Girl From Ipanema by Getz & Gilberto -Running For Home by MGB
Bien? Bien. To coin a phrase my father once used [to describe Rufus Wainwright no less] "it's music to slit your wrists to...". So, hey! Do you wanna trade mixtapes with me? just email me at buried_alive@fuh-q.com. My problem is that i have a whole fucking list of mixtape names and concepts and cover art ideas, yet it takes a great amount of coaxing to allow someone to let me make one for them. Well, not for Jamie, I'm about to make her second! And possibly I'm making one for Meg.

The Last Supper....(Tampax was there!)
Colleen.

Tuesday, October 3, 2000 03:13 p.m.
woo...and I'm cutting it close! i know this is no time for a Pita entry, but I must. I got kathleen's mixtape yestrday...it rocks! And I wanted to re-do her tape and get it sent off before I leave, so last night I grabbed a tape I already had and re recorded it. I did cover art and everything, and I've got the package half addressed, and hopefully I'll remember to mail it on my way out of town. Remind me to post the tracklisting when I get back, because I think it really rocks. it's so morose though! I put the slowest, quietest, saddest songs on there for some reason. Oh right, because she requested I put some Rufus, Ella and Billie on it, so i decided to make the whole thing very low energy.
And I'm gonna see if i can bring Alex and Jamie something back Toronto-y. I'm gonna see if I can get some Supergrass merch at the concert. Apparently, Cherakee is suddenly a huge Pearl Jam fan! Over the summer, I suppose. Anyway, I would be more than happy to bring her back something Pearl Jam for the concert, but she didn't ask. I was about to ask in History the other day when she ended up sitting behind me due to an enemy wasp in the classroom, but then I remembered that I was leaving the ball in their court, and if they're gonna drop it, then fine with me. I bet they're waiting for me to make a move. I've decided I won't. I tried to before summer and then heard nothing for 2 months so, I am unconcerned. I've done my part, made my peace offerings.At school, it's easiest on me to just ignore them. But in some ways it's also the hardest...
When Alex was over on Saturday [God we had so much fun!], she brought up the subject of a Halloween party, the weekend before Halloween.[that is if neither of us are working...] I said yes immediately, and offered Hennan Cottage. And sadly, my first thought was 'Cherakee and Amanda!' and so I said to Alex "should we invite Cherkaee and Amanda?" because my thinking is that there were 2 grops last year, ours and Missie and Ellen and them, and this year, the 2 seemed to have merged, and essentially, Cherakee and Amanda are in the same circle as me. And Alex just looked at me and said "noooo...because we arem't friends with Cherakee and Amanda..." See, and that's the difference between Alex and I: she's not delusional.
Smack The Pony is back and I'm so excited! Ok, I'm really going now...

Friday, September 29, 2000 08:05 p.m.
....and I'm sick. I was woken up at 11:30 PM, work was calling to see if I could come in from 1-6. Damn. My day off, gone. I was supposed to clean my room today so that when Alex comes tomorrow she has a place to sleep. Plus we'll be daily reflecting, it needs to be clean. Bleh. So i jsut spent 5 hours in my 4 inch mary janes. They're not so bad with panty hose, but if it's a long shift it doesn't make a difference. My throat is so sore. My feet hurt. I'm freezing cold.
I bought 'The Bends' during my 15 minute break. I was in our only music shop and noticed they are selling a few used cds for $8.99. The selection is pretty good! You can get Melencholie and the Infinite Sadness for like, $16.99!
I finished Kathleen's mixtape last night. And I sat back to listen to it and there is something seriously wrong with it. It is either the tape quality, my speakers are bad or something, or I recorded it too loudly [does that even make a difference?], becuase there is so much like, fuzz? Y'know, if it's up loud...I don't know what you call that noise...snow? As far as I know there is nothing wrong with my speakers. It must be the tape. I bought that tape downtown at an electronics store. The man specifically said that this type of tape is specificaly good for recording cds. Lying bastard. The tape Jamie used for my mix tape is the almost the same kind [same brand, TDK] they're both hi-bias, but hers is so good and mine isn't! There's a problem with any song with strings or higher notes too. The high notes and strings are just mutilated. And that's a problem, because this whole mixtape is quieter songs. Motherfucker.
did I have other stuff to say? yes I did...but it's gone now. Ummm....well, today when I was at work for some reason a little voice inside my ehad said "Colleen, I bet Cherakee or her mother will be in today." and like, 20 minutes later "Mom and Robert" wandered in looking for jackets. Heh, I'm so radioactive. That chemical spill had it's benefits! Not only do i glow and buzz like a fridge, I predict thigns too! And then for some reason I was like "I bet a teacher will come here and talk to me about the play. probabley Mr. Williamson looking for something for his wife." Well, Ms. Stockdale came in like 3 hours later. Close enough. She said she liked the play and to tell Jake he was really good. We were going to parody Ms. Stockdale in the play, but she found out and told us not to. Yet when I saw her, she said "So i guess you guys are going to pprtray me for the next assembly, huh?" i was like "Well, we were *going* to do you"....I told her she was going to come across as a hyperactive chronic-Shakespeare quoter...which she is, but she's quite Jekyl and Hyde. She's also quite liek Sue, from Survivor at times. The play was a Survivor parody. ANYWAY, she also said I did a good job as the vice-principal, but i don't know how i did so well. I'm not a great mimic-er like Jake, and Mrs. Featherby is hard to do. So, i jsut stood next to jake who was our playing our principal and nodded as much as I could. The old second in command syndrome. I said to Ms. Stockdale that i didn't think I did that great of a job and she said to me " no but you did....you even stood like her. I can't describe how she stands...but you did it..." Ummm...ok...?. Anyway, we kicked the other group's ass and that is all that is important. Sure, some of our funniest bits went right over the audiences heads [Amanda's Mr. Penny portrayl was priceless.wooo, that's hard to say. I guess I was the only one who found it funny. Damn stupid kids at our school...] but enough of our funny parts landed on target and we generated more laughs and applause than the Lords of Our School [i.e. the golden popular people.]. I hope Mr. Penny isn't too angry. I doubt we should have done the "Eat Mr. Penny" comment thing. Perhaps taht was stretching it. Sure, we can make fun of his Daily Notes...but perhaps 'Eat Mr. Penny' was a little too direct and personal for such a hot and cold teacher such as Mr. Penny. I mean, I knew we could say "get mr. lecain some new analogies! and fer christ's sake! we know he's from Brooklyn, so stop telling us already" because Lecain is a cool guy. [he also wasn't there for the assembly.] lecain doesn't have a stick up his ass. perhaps we should have said "Eat Mr. Penny, so then we don't have to do Daily Notes..." Whatever. What's past is past. For the most part the response has been positive. it was so well received, I'm actually surprised. I knew it would either bomb terribly or be a big hit. I guess I jsut don't think highly enough of the people at my school [I figured they'd be snowed by the popular people and/or our jokes would go over their heads. Not that we were using extremly high brow humour exactly...] I'm thinking back to the walkathon assemblies I've attended since grade 7. The ones with like, Mark Regimbal in them were funny, but it's slowly been downhill the last 2 years. I think this has been one fo the best in the past few years. I've also been comparing our group with the popular group. Their play was quite heavy on visual stuuf. LOTS of costumes on their parts. I kept stressing to everyone in our group not to be too concerned with props because A) everything was so damn last minute, and B)as long as our material and acting are solid we shouldn't NEED all the flash and disctraction. and see, that's the difference between our play and their play, we had the solid base of acting + plot/material. They needed the shock value of guys dressed up as girls [SO overdone, as Jake kept muttering "...just for cheap laughs..."] they also pasted signs on some of their characters so that the audience knew who they were. Our group briefly flirted with that early on, but instead we worked on establishing the characters to the audience early enough in the skit so that the audiece get any subsequent jokes. I amde a point to include as many of the teachers names in my "announcements" so that the the audience would go "oh, ok, so Ellen Regimbal is supposed to be Mr. Nowe, ok..." We didn't need music or much in the way of costuming or props.
I should go listen to my new cd and get a cough drop.

Thursday, September 28, 2000 03:21 p.m.
bleh, I never finished telling the story of how James broke his wrist. James is my little brother who is 6. He was showing off for this kid named Eric and was trying to climb the tree in front of the elementary school last Friday. He fell, HARD, and broke both the bones in his left wrist so badly that they were overlapping and the doctors wound up putting his cast on twice because the bones were hard to set. Now, no one came to James aid, which really fucking upsets me. This was after school as kids were being let out, there were kids around, parents around picking their children up, and certainly the crossing guards. SOMEONE should have helped him. I mean, for Christ's sake, his arm was dangling SO grotesquely, and he was in howling in pain. HE WALKED HOME ALONE. We live on the street behind the school, and though we certainly are close to the school, he has to take a longer route so that he can cross the street @ the crossing guard supervised cross walk, which makes the walk home 3-5 minutes. I could not walk home with a broken wrist. I could not. I don't know how he did it. I suppose he had no choice if no one was coming to his aid. Fucking town. On Monday, when James came to school with his cast my mom was talking to the mother of a kid who lives a few streets behind us. This kid is a firend of James and comes over occasionally. In fact, this kid's father is our mailman. This mother and father pick up their son from school together and this woman casually remarked to my mom on Monday: "Oh yeah, my husband saw James fall out of the tree....we were wondering if he was ok..." No, no he wasn't ok. So, mom ahd to wait for me to come home from school [James gets out before I do. In fact this year, all 3 of us get home at different times.] before she could take james to the hospital. i got home and mom gave me instructions to find a place for my other brother ANDREW, who is 8, to eat supper and stay at for the evening. See, I had to work @ 5-10PM. If she and James were at the hospital, this left Andrew alone. I called around to all my mother's friends, women who are constantly promising to help my mother, because they are bossy busybodies with martyr complexes. Neither of them were home. There are a few women on our street, both, coincidently nurses, AND people I have babysat for, who I called as last resorts. Andrew ended up going to the Davis' house, and once I called Mrs. Davis and told her what happened she went zipping down to the hospital to see my mother. As it turned out, James had to go to the IWK in Halifax to get his cast down by a specialist. Mom would be gone until the next day. Even though I would be perfectly capable of taking care of Andrew overnight [I've babysat for the Davis children overnight before, you'd think I could take care of my own brother...], it was decided Andrew would stay @ the Davis' overnight, since he and Craig Davis were having so much fun. That left me, alone in the house. I'm a big girl. I handled it well. Anyway, of course, once I finally DID track down one of my mother's elusive friends [who, coincidentally is ALSO a frigging nurse...it seems my mothers friends are all nurses]she was like "oh! James was hurt...and I missed it!?" like it was high friggin entertainment. On the Saturday, James and Andrew had been invited to two seperate birthday parties for kids on our street, coincidentally, 2 kids I used to babysit for, one of the Davis children, and one of the Snow children. I was also working Saturday, 12-6:30. i needed to find a way for Andrew to get to the Snow kid's party @ 10:30 AM, at the Bridgewater pool. Mom didn't want Andrew to miss out. So, I called Mrs. Snow [ALSO a nurse...] and asked if she could take Andrew to the party. The first party ended at 1 PM, but the next party didn't start until 3:30. I asked mrs. Snow to let Andrew hang around their house until 3:30, and then take him to Bowl-More Lanes for the Davis kid's party. Of COURSE, the Davis kids and the Snow kids don't like each other and the Davises weren't invited to the Snow party, and the Snow kids weren't invited to the Davis party [the Snow kids are the bad kids on our street, and the Daivs kids are the goody two shoes. My brothers? They're somewhere in the middle]. I felt like such a friggin boob asking these women to take my brother to the party that their child wasn't invited to! man, this story could go on and on forever, but I'll just stop there. That's the gist of it. James is fine now. He's back to being a little jerky asshole. [in fact, Mom caught him in the backyard swinging from a tree by his GOOD arm.]
Man...stayed up til 3 Am the other night doing a History assignment. otherwise, homework has been steady...reasonable steady. Did I mention Jamie's mixtape showed up last wednesday? It rocks, and makes the one I sent her look inferior. So i asked if i could send her another. It was jamie's birthday yesterday! I'm gonna make her a wee collage w/ Sloan and all sorts of good stuff. I WILL complete kathleen's mixtape this long weekend! i will also try and put a new layout up. or maybe I'll just wait until I'm back from Toronto. I missed all but 2 classes today doing stuff for the skit my group in Drama were doing for the assembly. We murdered everyone. ha. Our group was way better than the poplar people's group. That makes me smug. i just hope now, that the teachers we totally blasted aren't too pissed. That remains to be seen, because we sent up quite a few of them. i am going to be so frigging behind. I'm missing 60% of school next week due to my Toronto trip. And it's getting to that point when all the teachers assign tests at once. I'm so behind in art. Damn. Alex is coming over on Saturday. We're going to do some Daily Notes, because I just flounder in the water when i try to do it alone. I have way too many collage ideas and collage material to choose from. I can never commit. I've only done the front cover and one visual. I need someone to say "Ok Colleen, the back cover is wonderful, now paste the fucking thing, and move on!" I'm too picky. Alex will also teach me the chemistry I don't understand. heh, Alex is my Tutor Friend. We'll probabley watch a movie and stuff too. We haven't been able to get together since like August because school and work ahve been waaay too much.
As I just mentioned, I'm going away next week. it's going to be hectic. i just realised: Alex, I need to bring you back something from Toronto! You brought me back something from new York...what do you want? Something CN Tower-ish? That is to say, if I even get to go shopping. Oh, I just remembered Alex's computer is in ruins. She won't be reading this. Her brother is such a fuckwad. He deleted Windows while trying to delete ICQ. Uh oh...if Alex isn't reading this...then who is?!?! heh, last entry I left little messages @ the end to like, the 3 people I knew of that read this. It was quite successful, because Jamie emailed me right back, and Alex responded the next day. Hay, if there's anyone else that reads this on a regular basis, email me,a nd I'll leave you messages in my next entry ok?
Jamie: I'm compiling Sloan for your collage. I even managed some Joel Plaskett action! God bless Chart magazine...why don't they sell it around me? AS the reigning Queen of Magazines [Sou' Shore chapter, NS] I should have some.
Alex: You aren't reading this, so I can safely say that i really think you're a twit. Why am I friends with you again? [Oh right, because no one else will....]

Don't you hate when you get sick of a cd you love ebcause you've listened to it too much?
Colleen.

Post Script: whoops, i forgot to mention that i added 3 new links. I added the adorable Minipops. I also added posternow.com and pushposters.com to the buy stuff section. if anyone loved me they would buy me the Supergrass x-rayed stereo tshirt over @ pushposters. Tis x-pensive, but I is worth it.
Post Script Squared: I just re-read this entry and I sound like a freakin' bubble head. Worry not, I have more brain cells than I let on...

Friday, September 22, 2000 10:24 p.m.
My God, as I'm sitting down on this Friday night, I'm relalising it's been a BAD week. I was only scheduled to work 3 hours at work this week. I was supposed to start my job tomorrow. As I've already said in here, I did 6 hours of [paid!] training LAST week. Then, on Tuesday, I was called in with Alex for 3 hours. On Wednesday I worked ANOTHER 3 hours, and now tonight 5 hours, and tomorrow my shift had been upped from 3 to 5 hours. This is probabley out of the ordinary at work, because this week we've gotten 2 huge shipments, simultaneously a huge sale, and an audit. And because I'm a big dumbshit, I wear 4 inch Mary Janes sockless at work where theere is no sitting on the job. We can't have open toed shoes or running shoes at work, and these are my dress shoes that go with my nicer clothes that I wear to work. I have gashes and blisters and bruises [or, maybe it's dirt or something...eww...] and my toes are numb. I've calculated the hours I will have worked these past 2 weeks, and it is like, 23 hours. That's almost an entire DAY I've spent standing in my damn Mary Janes. I worked 5 hours, tonight that stretched over dinner and I only got a 15 minute break. Whathefha? I ate a *nutritiousanddelicious* dinner at 9 o friggin' clock of Sunchips and Mug Root Beer. I guess I could've ahd some real food or something, but I wanted to stop in at Shopper's and say bonjour to Jake, who was working. Tee hee, his Shopper's uniform was worth the price of admission! All I have to wear is a name tag. And some of Northern's clothes. I suppose I'm pretty lucky.
Enough about work. I've been wanting a job that involves pushing buttons all my natural life! Ahh the cash register. I'm gonna start screwing up on purpose just so I can go back and push all the button's again. Me screwing up on purpose? That'll be the day...first I have to stop unintentionally screwing up. This week has been filled with Mr. Penny's Anal English Methods. After labouring all last weekend on the Daily Reflections [only to find it WASN'T due on Monday like I thought, but Tuesday], he didn't even look at them! He sent someone around to stamp them with the date. SkankingskankingskankingWHORE! Excuse my momentary Tourette's, 'k? Then our 67 Animal Farm vocabulary words were due. I guess I never really processed the whole '67' part in my head. I mean I knew we had 67 of them, but the impact of the situation didn't register until the night before[Monday] I thought they were due [Tuesday], when I plunked myself down with a dictionary and the full magnitude of the assignment finally hit me. So I did half of them in three hours, and vowed to finish the other half on my spare the next day before English. I got to school and learned that they were not due today, but instead the next day [Wednesday]. So I decided to finish them on my spare the NEXT day, and a bit into lunch. This is cool, I get it down. AS neatly as possible despite my inborn lack of legibility and my time constraints. We don't have English class the day it's due and Mr. Penny is feeling sick, so he says just show me tomorrow [Thursday]. We have an hourlong class with the man, yet, he got so wrapped up in babbling, he only checked 2 people's work. It is on Thursday, that I learn that I have done my 67 words ALLLLLL wrong. Wrong format. I didn't know we had to have 2 different coloured pens and quote the book blah blah blah. My fault. I forgot we had a psychotic for a teacher and just did it any old way. So, I spent from 5-11 PM last night doing nothing but my Animal Farm vocaublary. I didn't go on the internet. I resolved to sit down and do my homework as SOON as I got home yesterday. Yet, when I got home, Jamie's Mixtape had finally arrived and was sitting on the kitchen table pleading "Listen to me and love me!" So I spent from 3 to 5 yesterday listening to and exploring and appreciating some artists I've only HEARD of, yet never had the pleasure of HEARING. My cd list jsut like, grew three fold. ANYWAY, I also had 2 quizzes to study for and got around to THAT at 11 PM. and I took one of the quizzes today [Chem] and got a 50%. Personally, I blame Jamie. Thanks a lot Jamie...No, just kidding dear, I didn't understand the shit anyway, so i purposely chose not to study it, and studied all the other stuff that the teacher DIDN'T put on the quiz. And as for my second quiz? Somehow I didn't end up taking it. I hope the teacher's not mad at me. It's just Mr. Scott. He's so nice, he won't be mad. I hope.
So, work, English, mixtapes [wait, that was a highlight]...I was asked to work last night too, but i had that assload of English so I couldn't.
It's almost 11:30. I have to go to bed since I'm exhausted, and since I ahve to wake up @ a decent hour to fetch my brother for a birthday party, i should go to bed. I haven't even beGUN to talk about today's drama class and the like. And I also haven't even gone into the fact that my sweet little 6 year old brother fell out of a tree today and broke his arm badly. That's a long skanking story that I will tell when I get around to. I'm home alone right now. I'm cold. My feet ache. And my throat has finally started to hurt after feeling weird all week. I don't need the sickness everyone else has! I just had tonsilitus 2 months ago! I won't have a new layout this weekend. I have History stuff to do for Wednesday, and other shcool work. And a mixtape to make. And a room to clean. And chores to do, that I didn't do last weekend. I'm going to listen to 'No Surprises', 'Last Goodbye', 'So Real', 'Ordinary World' and 'Everything You've Done Wrong'.'
Jamie: email me back so I can email you and gush about the great mixtape you have made me.[I need to find the lyrics to '@ the Edge Of The Scene'...I've searched the web. What album is it from?]
Kathleen:Meow...your tape is coming I swear I'll hunker down sometime this week or next weekend and do the damn thing alll up and send it on it's way.
Alex: uhhh....I've seen quite enough of you today. I'll see you tomorrow.I guess. Damnit...why did I ever think working with you was a good idea? [let's hope tomorrow the store won't lose anymore money because of us.]
and....those are the only people I think who read this skanking piece of scrap metal non-blog non-journal non-everything-but-what-it-is-Pita. or I could be wrong...

Colleen.

Wednesday, September 20, 2000 05:28 p.m.
Man, this morning it rained so bad. I had to take the garbage to the curb. In the 2-3 minutes it took me to do that, the shirt I had just pur on moments before in my bedroom became so drenched it was clinging to me. I ran back upstairs and threw on my 'Cape Breton Island' t-shirt [which I had slept in..bleh], wiped some tooth paste off it, grabbed an umbrella and my backpack, and fought my way to school. I live 7 or 8 houses down from the schools, and in the, like, 3-4 minutes it took me to get inside the building, the entire front of my Galactic pants were soaked. My foam platform flip flops were all wet and squishy, as were my exposed feet. I squeeked my way inside [my feet continued to make aggravating and embarrassing fart noises well into the afternoon.] and went to drama. Sitting in wet pants are uncomfortable. And yes, of COURSE, this was the day that Mr. Woundy decided we'd do the other half of that drama exercise, this time concentrating on the OTHER partners [and in my group that would be ME], the thing I've been dreading ever since we did the FIRST half. Of COURSE this would happen while I'm wet and just woken up. It went pretty well. I supplied Erin with as much safe information as I could think of. [she still managed to pick out some of the most oddest bits of it though.] See, the whole exercise is you get into partners, and when we get up in front of the class, one of us start talking about ourselves [which can be pre-arranged. Who says what and so forth...some people were bringing up papers with what they wanted to say written on it. I thought that was a bit much. I mean...c'mon, it's not that much information you have to know! These are like, 30 second long presentations. It's especially ridiculous if you have to bring up a paper with information about yourself.] and then after the real person says their piece, they pass it off to their partner who is "also" Person A. Person B claims to be and acts like Person A. You with me? So, the other day, Erin and I were both Erin. And today Erin and I both got to be Colleen. I stood up there, I was't hard to imitate, because I wasn't doing much, jsut standing there with like my hands on my hips. I started talking, and honestly, I can barely remember what I said. It's a blur. I was so nervous trying to just say the most normal things I could think of about myself, mentally censoring myself as I went along, NOT saying what first came to mind first, and thinking twice before I said anything. As I've said, I don't really remember what I said. I said something about my mother and her A&E watching, which just tumbled out [I don't know how...], I think I slipped up and said something about my Philosophy As To Why I Shouldn't Have Children [TM], which somehow got past my furious mental filter. AT ANY RATE, no one recoiled in horror at me or any of my so called abnormal practices like they did last time. Ahh, tis truly an occasion to celebrate and relish when a pariah gets the day off.Meow.
We watched some more of that increasingly dumb movie From the Hip in Law. Judd Nelson is such a goon. Big nostrils he has. Spare, art [waited for my primer to dry, so didn't really do anything], lunch, history [movie], math, Chemistry. It's been a quiet day. I have English first class tomorrow. Let the heads roll as fucking Penny checks our vocabulary...and shows us all the things we did wrong, that are contrary to The Method [which he refuses to explain.] A teacher that doesn't teach. How about that...
I worked for the first time last night! Yay!..oi. My feet are all cut up and sore from my Mary Janes [I have to wear them! I need to be tall! they give me the 4 inches God refuses to!]. I wasn't supposed to work til Saturday but they got like, the motherlode of stock. AND a big huge sale was announced. So, they needed Alex and I to come in and help the store efforts to weed out the sale items, fold them properly and place them on the sale tables out front [we had 4 tables which were NOT enough]. As all this was going on, 50 some boxes of stock were being opened, unpacked, catalogued and brought out. Did I mention how SMALL the store I work in is? And the backroom is a frigging thimble. 50 boxes of stock do not fit back there. Alex and I were out front taking all the sweaters that were going on sale off their hangers from IN the store, doing the Proper Fold, and placing them outside, and mainly dealing with customers. The manager and assistant manager were running around trying to figure out where all this new stock would go in our already cramped store, putting price tags and the like blah blah.... there was also another part-timer called in, but they stuck her in the back unpacking boxes, I suspect because she is so frigging anti-social, and I don't think she deals with customers well. [I wonder how she was hired, and they had hesitations over hiring me...] Tuesday is ALSO senior's day in the mall. May I pass a bit of knowledge unto you? you never want to have your first day of work be on senior's day, especially when your store is having 50% off sweaters. Think about it. How man old biddies and their old biddie hearing impaired friends came into my store looking for dowdy cardigans? Old people come in bunches. This one woman was trying to use her Visa card as debit. My first official time on cash, and I can't figure out what is going on and then the manager came over to help and points out that she has a major charge card, not a debit card in her hand. I'm working again in an hour, and again as scheduled on Saturday. Woo. if this is the way I have to get my hours then so be it. 9 hours in my first week. It would have been just 3 [which is an exciting $15 something in my bank account]. I always feel so smug when people realise they need me. Heh.
Oh! i hate to be such a fucking blog recycler [even though this place is NOT a BLOG!], but I discovered this place by following a link posted by jamie in pj.com's blog. How much did I die of laughter, or quasi-luaghter as it seems to be for me these days? A Lot. I laughed as much as i could manage despite these new laughterless days. Go and check out the Fleetwood Mac, Robbie Williams and Supergrass ones. Too funny. How do they make these little things? They look startalingly like the people they're supposed to.
and mother should return home any minute with my KFC in tow.

Colleen.

Saturday, September 16, 2000 07:04 p.m.
this is going to have to be a quick entry, because i STILL have like, nothing glued on my daily reflections book. I have'nt even decorated the front and back covers yet. And then i have to decorate the insides of the front/back. AND THEN I have to start actually doing ENTRIES in the damn thing.**woo! the radio just announced that tomorrow night they'll play some Thrush Hermit on their local music program. God I love 'From The Back Of The Film' and 'The Day We Hit The Coast.' I need that cd...** Sorry, I just wanted to post and talk about the anniversary that is September 15, which was yesterday. At least I think it's September 15th...it's somewhere around there. Ok, on September 15th 1998 we moved from Alexandra Avenue to Queen Street, not far, we stayed in the same town, just a few blocks over. Mom decided after my parents split we didn't need the hosue we had, since it was too big and clumsy even with dad in it. Kathryn would be going away to university in like, a year, and that would leave even MORE empty space in the house. The empty space was getting filled with too much mess, and the house was old and costing A LOT [because the guy who lived there before us was a total cheapskate and things he "fixed" himself kept breaking] to keep. ANYWAY, it took us forever to sell the big old thing and finally after being for sale for 1 1/2 years, we sold it and moved QUICKLY on Spetember 15th, 1998. It was a school night, and since my bed and everything was packed I had to go stay at a friends house. i satyed at Amanda's.My family went to Pizza Delight for dinner then dropped me off. I remember we watched Ally MacBeal [the one where she dates a teenager and they go to a baseball diamond or something...], twice actually. I played on one of the everpresent acoustic guitars abd sabg, despite not knowing how and being an awful singer. Amanda was laying on the floor dozing in and out. Then when I started up my out of tune howling voice, she promptly woke up. I improv-ed a song about Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton. I strummed sporadically and warbled "sexually relations with that woman/ did i or did I not?/*yes I did...*" and sadly, we can't remember the rest...but it was hysterical and Amanda loved it. She was still on the floor of her living room, cackling away and begging me to sing it again. I tried to do another song about 'Mail Order Hammocks' [see, we had the tv on and I was jsut singing about whatever they had on tv. Monica and Bill were on the news and I started singing about them. Mail order Hammocks commercial came on and that's where THAT came from...] but that one didn't go anywhere. And that night, she gave me a sleeping bag to sleep in, and I was so uncomfortable...I thought I was lying on something on her floor but i couldn't find what it was. The next morning I finally found what was hurting my back:I had been sleeping on a marble. We laughed and I declared that it proved I was a real princess. And then, when we went to school, I had my backpack and overnight bag, and everyone was asking me why I had 2 bags. I told them that I had to sleep over at Amanda's house last night because "my mother sold my bed for Tequila money." Ahh...good times.
But that's not the end of my September 15th saga. Oh no...since I'm so big on "memories" and "nostalgia" and "anniversaries", when my uncle died last year and my mom went to Cape Breton for his funeral on the anniversary of my School Night Sleepover w/ Amanda, I unnesesarily stayed at Cherakee's house. She had wanted me to stay at her house the year before, but i went to Amanda's because I had spent so many sleepovers @ Cher's that summer of '98, I felt it would be imposing. So, while my mom was gone, her friend Sharon was over at our house with Andrew and James. I didn't have to stay @ Cher's...but I wanted to continue the "tradition". I can't remember what i did over at Cher's. It's just escaped me what we did that makes it memorable. i remember the garlic figners for dinner. And I remember reading the newspaper that night with her, and reading that a girl from our grade had been found guilty of conspiring to like, beat her grandparents and steal from them. Even though we all knew this girl was innocent, on the grounds that she's too dumb to do it. Aw, shit..I cannot remember what else went on @ Cher's!Oh well...and did i stay @ Alex's last night? no. i forgot all about it. AND plus, she has company over, and it's not a school night this year, and Supergrass were on Letterman and now I have no desire to continue on with the "tradition" now that Cherakee and Amanda aren't my friends. I think I'd rather bury those memories with them.
Speaking of Supergrass on Letterman:blerg. I won't go into it but Supergrass were quite sub-par last night. Gaz wore the same jacket he wore on Conan...and if you'll look back in my archives you'll see the laughter it induced. See, I couldn't tell if it was leather or merely a..."Shiny Windbreaker" [which cracked me up really badly]. Well, the verdict is in: it was leather. Gaz's hair is growing, but it's looking really gross in it's tender in between stages. Someone keep that boy away from scissors.
my brothers have been holy terrors today. They have done 3 really really bad things that I don't have time to go into detail about...but jsut know that I'm surprised that Andrew and James are still alive. Do you know what? Despite their awful behavior, my mom took them to Blockbuster and rented them each a videogame, bought them each a pop and some candy and popcorn [even tho we have popcorn and pop AT HOME] and went grocery shopping and bought chocolate bars, Dream Puffs, and Fudge Brownies. I would NEVER have been able to get away with half the shit they pull when I was little, let ALONE be rewarded with shitloads of treats. I'm really bitter because they are spoiled and take for granted that they were not raised in the same house as my formerly-Spartan father. It pisses me off that my brothers are spoiled. And mom doesn't do ANYTHING about it. They're started to be VIOLENTLY spoiled, stomping and kicking and screaming and slamming and throwing when they don't get their way. Andrew can kick me in the kneecaps and my mother just goes "hey! Andrew...." in a mildly reproachful tone. This house is going to explode. They're both getting so violent, and it's all I can summon that keeps me from snapping their necks. I'm not about to give them anyway leeway because of their inborn "Hennan Tempers" because I have my own "Hennan Temper" that I manage to control. I know if they push me far enough one of these days and I get angry enough I could really hurt one of them. I'm trying to get mom to intervene before it gets to the point where I retaliate, but she won't. She won't fucking discipline them! If she doesnt, I'll end up trying to do it, and there'll be a war and someone willg et hurt.
I have 1o million thigns to do. besides the Daily Reflections, I have regular homework [History-read from the book, Art-finish colouring what I'm behind on, Math, English-re-do ALL the stuff in my writing portfolio.], chores [clean the upstairs bathroom, clean kitchen and kitchen floor, take out recyclables and compost], a thing to type up for that zine that is due TODAY, an email to write Jamie and probabley 1 or 2 other people, a mixtape to make for Kathleen...urg.My room is a mess, so is my page. I was invited to a party [gasp! social event? Colleen? invited?] tonight, but I can't go I have way too much to do. I shouldn't even be typing this but i'm waiting to hear if I'm ALSO supposed to do the layout for that zine [the layout is done for the most part, all i have to do is put the settings on the articles and writer profiles and stuff...] so i should probabley go.

Thursday, September 14, 2000 03:25 p.m.
woo....every time I sit down to write an entry I automatically forget what I sat down to write about.beh.
It's been a busy week. I did 3 hours of training @ work last night, and I'll do another 3 tonight. i get paid for training, so that is mucho bien. And then that will be it for....over a week and my first shift is on the 23rd. I haven't had much homework so far. However for tomorrow I need to construct a 'Writing portfolio' for my crazy English teacher. He doesn't believe in giving instructions, he believes in "networking". Meaning, we have to ask the grade 12s who had him last year. Luckily, my sister had him a few years ago and kept her "Daily Reflections" and her writing portfolio, so I can look at those. So this man does NOTHING in class....the burden of 'teaching' has been firmly removed from his shoulders, so he fills his time talking...about, well whatever pops into that ego riddled head of his. I'm not even going into Daily Reflections. it's like a daily recap, quite journalistic, of what went on in English class every day, all year. And of course as i've already pointed out: nothing goes ON in English class. You have to write down 3 things that happened in class that day [usually just a quote from the English teachers self-absorbed ramblings], relate it to whatever book we're doing at the time [currently Animal Farm], and then for each page filled out in your Daily Reflections sort of journal, you have to provide a visual. See the left side of the page is the visual, and the right is the writing. These visuals can be collage or magazine-y, they have to have a title, a quote, and an explanation relating them alllll back to English class. Every English class this year.Urg. he's declared me to be 'Kinetically Intelligent.' Why? becuase yesterday when he was calling attendance, I put up my hand funnily [somehow...I don't know what was so strange about it... i was doing something when he called my name, so i just threw my left arm into the air.] He stopped and looked at me for a bit and said "Are you in drama?" i replied yes, and then he asked if I was involved in creative movement stimulation or dance lessons as a kid. Yes, I did dancing lessons for 3 or 4 years as a kid [but what little girl didn't?]. He decalered me Kineistically intelligent, and said that if i could think of anything Kineistically to do while we're learning about Animal Farm, some sort of curriculum I guess, than tell him, because it is an important Intelligence. In a span of 7 seconds he has diagnosed me as some sort of expert on Kineisiology, which is the science of movement I think [I'm not even sure what the wrod fully means...]. And on the first day of English he said a lyric from 'Like A Rolling Stone.' He speaks not very loudly, but I caught the bit about staring into the 'vacumm eyes'. I don't think anyone else realised that he was even quoting a lyric. He didn't make any reference to it. Until after a pause he asked "does anyone know who said that?" and while the rest of the class was thinking "said what? was that a quote?" I said aloud 'Bob Dylan.' And do you know, the only reason I recognized it, was because I had heard it the day before on the Q104 top 1000? So then he asked if I knew what sing and I said "Like A rolling Stone." Anyway, a few minutes later he's still talking about...whatever, and he stops after saying somethig and stares at me. I stare back at him, not knowing if I should ackwokledge him. Finally he says "and who sang that?" Apparently his last sentence was ALSO a song lyric and i had no idea. "Ricky Nelson sang that..." he informed me, I nodded and a dreadful thought passed my mind: "is he gonna randomly test me on lyrics all year? What have I done! What did i get myself into...?"

We had class pictures today. i didn't even comb my hair. ha, take that. I haven't bought my school pictures since grade 8, and if I had my way we wouldn't have bought any class pictures from grade 7 or 8 either. I'm not photogenic...I hate having my picture taken. Perhaps I should stop blaming the camera and it's conspiracy to make me look bad and accept the horrible reality: maybe I'm just one ugly kid. Anyway, last year, I remember at the last second the guy made some sort of gesture with his hand that was up in the air that I took to mean "look up here" and I did...and in last year's school picture, I look like I'm bird watching, as I'm staring off into the top left hand corner of the picture! It's so awful. I doubt this year's will be much better. He said "say party", and i mumbled "party" expecting him to take the picture while I was saying it. But he didn't. i said "party" and...nothing. I sort of froze and waited and then finally, like 10 million years later he took the picture. So I think I'll end up looking somewhat puzzled and hesitant. At any rate: at least I didn't break the camera.
Man, you know what? I used to be fun. I really did. and I used to be funny, too. I used to laugh, and laugh and laugh: the longest, the loudest and the hardest. And now I don't. I simply can't. Can you forget how? I mean, I 'titter' and I giggle weakly. But...for the most part I don't. Even if I find something funny I can't laugh. it's awful...I'm gonna explode one of these days from laughter that could never find it's way out. Man, maybe it's no big deal: but if you knew the way I used to laugh then you'd udnerstand why this is a problem.I laugh @ Jamie's emails and Sarah's blog on her page and at/with Alex a bit...but I don't even laugh with Tiffany anymore! [altho, that may be due to the fact she's only in 1 of my classes] Up until a few months ago, i would've said to you "every single thing is funny. Even horrible, horrible things are funny if you look at it from a certain perspective, like a Monty Python frame of mind." [Try watching Monty Python and then the grisly nightly news. EVERYTHING becomes funny, because you're in that silly mind frame.] But now...I've pretty much deduced "I don't laugh, because I have nothing to laugh about." which makes no sense because I've always suscribed to the idea that everything can be funny. History classes were a riot last year. I'd die of laughter over the fact that like, 7 year old boys were forced into the Spartan army. Why was it so funny? becuase it's so horrible! So far this year...quite boring actually. Good teacher, but boring so far. or maybe it's all because I'm sitting alone...In Animal Farm, this animal named Benjamin says [yes, says] something like that "I don't laugh, because I have nothing to laugh at." and when I was reading that I was like, "Benjamin! i know what you mean!" Benjamin, by the way is an old crotchety donkey or something and I've rpetty muchd ecided that I am Benjamin. He knows allll along what's gonna happen. He knows what will happen, but refuses to say a thing. That's me.After a certain point, I just knew Amanda and Cherakee and I were going down the raod that lead to split paths...but I never said much.
Isn't it amazing how nothing can go on in my life, yet I can still write these tremendously long entries? I ramble so much..what do i find to write about? How do I squeeze the content out?... Like water from a stone baby.. Oh! Kathleen, [who signed my book not too long ago, and is now exchanging mixtapes with me...] noted in her blog that she was reading snogged with interest, even though 'confessional blogs' weren't really her thing. I had to laugh. Man...I didn't know I was confessional, or a blog! This goes with my 'water from a stone' comment...because, what exactly do I have to confess? I'm drinking Cream Soda right now, and I'm sure you're all much better people for knowing that. See? I have no life.
Ugh, I missed drama today because I had a dentist appoitment. Yesterday we got into partners and we had to pick one of us [I was with Erin and we picked her] and we BOTH had to be Erin. We had to stand in front of the class, with Erin starting, just talking about herself, her life nd stuff and then I had to come in, as Erin, mimic her and finish telling the class about "myself." No problem, Erin is sort of quiet, she was easy to mimic. She has had a fairly quiet life. I missed today's class where we finished presenting these, and tomorrow we switch and we both get to be me.Fuck. What the hell am i gonna say about myself? because last time I ahd to talk to these crowd of people about myself and tell them about me, apparently I said something so "strange" [well, strange to their little Bridgewater minds, harmless to me...] about me, or something I do in my spare time the whole class moved their desks back. Like, they recoiled in horror and some wise egg thought it would be funny to start moving his desk back AWAY from me, and then the rest of the class followed suit. I stood there, dumbstruck...my peers are all recoiling in horror at something... at me!That left me standing dumbly at the front of the room, with about 10 miles between me and my nearest classmate. I think that was a big Weiner Dog moment. So, what am i gonna tell these people? because it's the same group that was in that PDR class in grade 9...a bunch of blank popular people. [it's grade 11...does the whole 'popular' thing realy exist anymore? No, not really...I don't think anyone outside their group really likes them...'the jocks'...but i suppose they still intimidate people. I have no idea why they're in drama. Thought it was a fun, easy, free course I guess.] I don't think there's anything wrong with me, specifically those areas that other people deem 'weird.' Fine, let them think I'm just 'weird Colleen, at it again...' because weird is fun, and everyone else is boring.

and the queen, she's gone round the bend,
Colleen.

Monday, September 11, 2000 07:38 p.m.
NEW LAYOUT. I so enjoy it too...I don't think you'll find anything like it right now on other pages. Sure, the pcitures could be a bit more polished, but it was a poor quality scan I was working with and on top of that it was stretched.[It's Shirley manson in all her Hellcat glory. I practically drowned her in lyrics from Blur's Parklife cd...]
And holy lord, I updated!