A + B = Colleen

Saturday, August 26, 2000 03:41 a.m.
uh oh. Here I am @ 4 Am again. Ready to ramble incoherantly. I'm back from Cape Breton: don't get me started. It's always nice to see people getting so old they're just pretty much preparing to die. It's nice to be ignored by your relatives. It's nice to go to a well off second cousin's posh house and feel like a burden and unwelcome. Thank god I think it's starting to get to my mother [which means that we will go back less frequently...] . Because she actually said something along the lines of "...and when you come to Bridgewater you don't even stay at my house anymore Ruthanne" to her cousin. They were born 2 weeks apart. They were as close as can be. Ruthanne married a pharmacist. My mom married my dad. Let's not go there.
too bad my brothers just aren't cute enough anymore. Well James can still work it, he knows how to whore it out just like I used to. Andrew...he's grown out of the 'cute' thing, he's almost 8. He's just plain old handsome now, which apparently is not enough. My grandfather [approachig 89] paid them no mind when we went out to dinner [he only saw my brothers twice during our 3 day stay] and started playing with a toddler at the table next to us. My brothers are very socially awkward, and since their grandparents are almost strangers to them [due to the infrequent visits to Cape Breton and the minimal attention they receive even when there] they play it shy. I commented later to mom that Grampie paid more attention to the kid at the next table and she seemed livid. She'd noticed too, "Andrew and James would open up to your grandparents if they'd just give them a chance to!" she fumed. I agreed. Well, the man is 89...how much time does he have to give Andrew and James? He'd better get a move on.
My grandparents marveled repeatedly at how 'big' Andrew & James had gotten [well...gee, when you only see the kids for an hour tops each year yeah....they grow.]. Well....mostly Andrew and I don't believe they were referring to his height. It's so funny to see my grandmother say politely as possible that my brother had put on a few pounds. The child is growing and has a poor diet of cereal and peanut butter sandwiches and too much junk that my mother lets him have. And me...I can't count the number of times Grannie told me I was beautiful. Honestly, it was starting to get on my nerves. I don't know what was with her this visit. All of a sudden I'm a world class stunner to her. It was making me uncomfortable. We'd meet people [as you are always apt to do in Cape Breton] and she'd introduce me as "my granddaughter Colleen. Isn't she beautiful?" And perhaps my paranoia has gone just a titch too far, suspecting my grandmother and all, but after she said it so many times: I began to doubt how genuine it was. After awhile I was like "what is this woman getting at? Is she mocking me? Is she trying to appease me? On some sort of 'self esteem for Colleen' mission?" and then I'd feel bad for being so suspicious of my own grandmother. [well...step-grandmother.] Maybe I just don't hear it enough. Well...my mom says it to me all the time. But she has to. It's in her contract. If she doesn't, I've got Social Services on speed dial. Maybe I just don't know how to take a compliment. Yeah, that's it: I truly don't know how to take a compliment. "Maybe a prostitute/ can teach you/ how to take a compliment." Thats a Tragically Hip lyric. It just sprung into my mind. Speaking of the Hip, I'm gonna put some on Jamie's mixtape. She asked if I would. I was working on it until just now. But like all my creative spurts they die out quick, and I have to wait until the urge comes round again. I think I thought up a good name for Jamie's mixtape. I hope she likes it. It's hard making a mixtape for someone you've never even met. I'm terrified. I second guess every song I decide to put on it. Lots of Supergrass from the first 2 albums. That's what she wants becuase she doesn't have them. And some MGB, Moby and some Hip. I'm thinking of putting some other Canadian bands on there. I totally discovered my 'By Divine Right' cd again this evening. I think she'll like some of that because she's a Sloanie. I had a terrrible Sloan dream whilst in Cape Breton [3 of the 4 members died of an awful disease.] My mother asked that I convert to daytime back to daytime hours for our short trip, and in Cape Breton I wasn't taking my 6 Am walks. One of the pluses [sp?] of going to bed so late that it's early, is that you're exhausted and sleep soundly. You NEVER remember your dreams. I've been bothered by them, just like last summer...which started a chain of events that landed me with an appointment with a therapist. You know....I just spent the last half an hour typing about my 2 ill fated trips to the pschiatrist? I eventually ended up with a verdict of 'well adjusted', but there was a technigue involved in convincing the jury, and I just explained it all out...but I don't feel like putting all that bullshit and garbage out into the world, so I'll keep it to myself. Funny thing about me: I'm not a personal person. Besides, its the mental ecquivalent of putting bomb instructions on the net. I don't feel like publishing a 'how to fool your therapist and other mental health advisors' instruction manual on my Pita.
School. Why is it starting soon? And why have I spent 2 months doing nothin? it's 2 months I'll never get back! My fucking youth, wasted. I shouldn't feel time so heavily the way I do. But i guess I'm just dramatic. I'm 16. For christ's sake in my mind that's as good as dead. I'm 4 1/2 feet under already. I had a job interview tonight. Why couldn't I just have gotten a job BEFORE summer started? Then I wouldn't have wasted 2 months of my life. Grade 11 is a HARD year. I don't need to compound it w/ a new job. I'll probabley end up blowing off my studies again this year. Now that I haven't gotten honours for the first time: it's like...nothing left to loose. I can't even remember what I signed up for. I know one thing: Alex isn't in many of them. I'm terified. It's like the last 2 weeks of school all over again. Sitting quietly, maybe looking out the window or staring straight ahead. Not laughing with anyone around me when the teacher leaes the room for a moment. I spent the last 2 weeks of grade 10 with 1 friend. And she shared one class with me. This year? Still one friend. And we'll just see how many classes we have together. I shouldn't have signed up for drama. At the time, I was looking for hilarious classes shared with Cherakee, Amanda and Jake. Together we could have been awesome in drama. Now...yeah, maybe we'll be in the same class but...not tag teaming. And I don't know if I'll have either the confidence without at least one friend there with me, or the drive to stand up there and try to entertain or be good at acting. The whole point of being funny for me has always been to make my firends laugh. And the whole point of acting has always been to be good at it. i remember the drama camps of a few sumemrs ago. I was pretty good. The whole reason i was good is because I like to be good. I only do things if i know I'll win. If I had a friend there or a drama teacher I stood up and did my acting and pulled it out of me, the best I could find, only to impress them. Without a friend sitting there in the class I don't know if I'll feel the constant need to reassert myself. I honestly need a friend to be there to motivate me to prove myself which will in turn motivate me for real.
I don't want to go to Toronto so much anymore.I'm terrified. But Pearl Jam and Supergrass await me.
I heard the song 'Terrified' by See Spot Run in the car today. It's in my head.

I'm terrified,
Colleen.

Monday, August 21, 2000 01:17 p.m.
well....I've jsut been informed I will be in Cape Breton today until Friday. So au revoir.
Colleenie.

Sunday, August 20, 2000 09:42 p.m.
new layout. Whatever.
I don't have any updates to go with my new layout, because that's the time I traditionally update, but this is me breaking with tradition. Halfway through layout changes, and layouts riddled with skinny white girls at that. Blerg. I'm sorry. Oh wait, I did update this Pita. I changed the dots to x's so it's easier to click and I added 2 links.

Next time I update I'll....maybe have some essays, some reviews, 10 million screenshots [of everything from my desktops to never were layouts to has been layouts], my personal soundtrack. Yeah....I've got to get my soundtrack done [except I don't call it my soundtrack, I call it my 'Life Setlist.' Heh. Damn me. I always have to be different.]. I've been obsessed w/ mixtapes in the past week or 2. Ever since I was cleaning my room and found a whole bunch of blank tapes which held mixtapes from a loonngg time ago. And now that we have a cd player in our van and not a tape player it's sort of pointless to make one, eh? I mean, I have 2 tape players in my room but I don't want to sit in my room, or any other room in my house and listen to tapes. So I thought maybe I'll make one and GIVE it to someone. First I thought "hmmm...perhaps a Supergrass compilation for Missie" but then I realised that I'm not sure whether I want her to like Supergrass or not. [I am such a psycho. I just lent her my Supergrass self title cd, and I know when she gives it back I won't be able to resist asking her whether she liked it or not, and if she says yes than I will hate her, and if she says no I will hate her too.] Then I thought of giving one to Alex, but Alex and I have severely different tastes in music. I doubt she'll like anything I have to give. And I know if she gave ME one...I'm just going over her cd collection in my mind... I might slit my wrists rather than listen to it. [sorry Alex....but, you know the way it goes. We get on pretty well despite our mammoth musical differences. We tolerate each other's music preferances, but that doesn't extend to listening to any of it.] So yeah.....I'm searching for someone to give a tape to.
I think I had something else to say. Maybe not. Oh wait! I ate dinner yesterday at Jack Astor's in Halifax [yes, in the day time. Even though it was night time for me i went to Halifax to see a movie. After only 4 hours sleep. I didn't get to see a movie. I was so pissed. I went to Halifax, and ended up sitting in Chapters on a hard chair for an hour and a half reading magazines while my brothers were in Cosmic Adventures. The deal was they go to Cosmic Adventrues for an hour and then they ahd to behave while mom and I looked for shoes for me. They were over an hour. By the time we finished eating, all the shoe stores were closed. How fucking angry was I? Very.] I don't see what they big deal is. It's a little zany. They have interesting servers with interesting shirts and accesories, and interesting decor. The food? Very expensive. They have a huge menu, but half of it is interesting beverages. And they had interesting food. Too interesting. I could barely find anything to eat. What I did order was so so. The only thing that made me happy yesterday? When we walked into Jack Astor's, they were playing Supergrass, 'Alright.'

I'm gonna try and not do those weird middle of the night rants anymore. This Pita has jornalistic tendencies. Takes up too much space. But it gives me an impression that somebody cares [@ 4 AM]. My Pita is my friend.

I'm Rubber You're Glue:
Colleen.

Saturday, August 19, 2000 03:36 a.m.
blerg. blergeddy blerg.

This will forever be known as the summer of blerg. Mostly because for the past 2 months I've been using the word, a word I apparently made up, constantly. Well, @ first it was a noise I emit. But then it turned into an expression, now it's a word, and I think it's turning into an emotion. Blerg the emotion is not like 'blah' [because I know that's what you're thinking.] it's somewhere between the state of good and evil. It's caught in another dimension...it's caught between happy and sad. It's a numbness I guess...and not the blissy numb...it's the bad Pink Floyd kind of numb. [don't ask me what's so Pink Floyd about it, I have no idea why I think it's Pink Floyd-ish, perhaps because I associate paranoia w/ Pink Floyd, but that's not true I associate paranoia w/ Ok Computer [because of Paranoid Android] which is an album I need to get, which was compared to Pink Floyd. And I suppose it's because of the line "I am comfortably numb." but I'm not that comfortable being. Yes, in fact my ass is pins and needles, and the bridge of my nose hurts.]It's worse than blah, it's blah and restless all in one...and I think that equation equals something close to a black hole, or nothingness. It's like being held captive. Blerg has kidnapped me and holding me for ransom. Which remidns me, sometime in the last month or so, I read a huge Vanity Fair article abut the whole Lindenberg baby kidnapping and it scared me shitless. I had to sleep with me mum that night.[I dunno why...was I afraid that a plot was afoot to kidnap me or something? Who would kidnap *me*? Besides Blerg that is...] She's never impressed when her 16 year old climbs into bed with her. She can barely fend off Andrew and James, who @ 6 and 7 have just started staying in their own beds all night long. Holy shit I'm 16. It just occured to me. Hell, I'm gonna be dead soon. [it'd be a good idea to start living then I think...] What was I saying?

Y'know what I'm doing right now? I'm looking at someone's pictures from a Sloan show. Not only are Sloan a funny band, but...so are their fans.[I like to incite Sloan threads @ the PJ.com UBB just to carry out converstaions w/ the resident Sloan fans. They're good people.] Just reading the captions is making me want to laugh. But i can't laugh. I'm experiencing something not unlike erectile dysfunction except in the area of laughter. I can't do it. I find things funny, and i do laugh, but as soon as I laugh I'm like "this is not enough. I know I can laugh better than this, harder thant this, louder than this, longer than this." and I immediately become worn out after 3 seconds of laughter. I used to be able to go on for 3 minutes. The laugh is hollow and it doesn't seem genuine. There's nothing beneath it. No fire underneath it. I feel 85 and it's too much effort. Is it possible Colleen is all laughed out? Watching the comedy network is hard. I do it @ night [well, technically my day.] and things are so funny and I can't laugh to my full capacity so I'm having like pentup laughter...which makes my head hurt. It's like the Blueballs of laughter. Sorry, i don't mean for all my comparasons to be so dirty, it's just I've been watching a lot of Sue Johanson lately. Last night I was so bored @ 4:30 Am after SClub finished and then I couldn't watch the last half of Coronation because it's confusing enough w/o having to start 1/2 way thru. So I pressed play on the cd player that's been moved into our family room and it was 'To The Edge and Back' which is mine but my sister borrowed [she's borrowed 6 of my cds now....frightening. Altho, 4 of the 6 are compilation cds. Honest to fuck, she'll listen to whatever's popular.]last night. I was like laying on the floor, w/ the bridge of my nose hurting and I was like 'ohh yyeeaahh...I haven't listened to THIS is awhile.' so I put it on...started reading an article from Homemaker's Monthly or some such shit and then 'Laid' by James came on. Now it was less of an anthem, than say...April Fools but man Amanda and I enjoyed it. "This bed is on fire..." and it is a joyful song about a disfunctional relationship and I was like bursting out my skin. But it was bittersweet. There was no one around to hook arms and singly badly with. So I settled for thumping on the floor and singly badly by myself. I think she emailed me yesterday. [wait a sec...what day is it today? I don't know anymore. I told the kid I was babysitting for just a few hours ago when I was putting him to bed that it was the 17th. My computer informs me it's the 19th now.]She didn't sign it but my common sense [tho frazzled as it may be] tells me it must be her, or some psycho [I have a few internet stalkers believe it or not. I'm going to post their mail one of these days.] or someone who has the wrong email address. Hmmm. And I thought no one came here. Well, except Alex who is lamer than I. [hi Alex. did you see Making the Band? new member! new member!]

You CAN get away w/ one meal a day, believe it or not. If you simply convert to nocturnal hours, you're good on one meal.

After bookmarking the Conan site since June and checking to see if they're replaying the Supergrass ep all summer, I went to the official supergrass site and they simply told me when it would be repeated. In 10 days. I'm going to see Supergrass live in Toronto in: 49 days. I'll be seeing Pearl Jam too, but that's not the point. In fact my dad paid $200 for tickets for a band that's only OPENING and will only play 1/2 an hour. I've watched longer Supergrass concerts on the net. Oh well, Pearl Jam can't be all that bad. I Love 'Nothing AS It Seems.' heh...I haven't heard it since June though. I remember telling Cher in May how good their new single was....and then when I went shopping w/ her in June she still hadn't heard it. I wonder if she has yet. Well, with the way radio is in NS [same 3 damn songs over and over] probabley not. man. I can't believe I'm going back to T.O. I'm scared. I don't want to. Last they saw me I wasn't evil. And I'll be quite dissapointed to present myself and have to break the news to them:I'm evil. Annoying, sarcastic....no plan. No social existance, few friends. i used to be cute and funny and nice. But all signs point to negative. I'm so awful now. I didn't used to be. I'm almost ashamed of myself. I don't want them to see. I'm a monster now. [Don't look at me. I'm hideous.] I used to protest that I wasn't, but just spending so much time w/ myself has made me agree. I'm....well, it's sad when you become your least favorite person in the world...msotly because you can't get away from yourself. You can't shut yourslef up. It's night so I talk to myself. I have an annoying voice. it's just like my sisters. Oh great, now I've pissed myself off now. You can't alienate yourself. If you alienate yourself, than who's left? Damn. I guess I'm skilled at it. I dread the day i run out of people to piss off. I can't picture it. Life will truly end then. What was it that Angelina Jolie said in that truly horrible movie adaption of the book 'Girl, Interrupted?' "I push all of your buttons. How come no one ever pushes mine?" Lord, what an awful movie.

I didn't take a walk yesterday. Too many blisters and too exhausted. Uh oh. Now I feel like I won't take one tonight because I'm tired. No! I don't want to go down this path od deviency! C'mon Colleen you're not tired, your eyeballs just hurt! Last night I amde a layout. it looked pretty good. Maybe I'll put it up. I babysat for 9 friggin hours tonight. Fuck. and it seems that they always pay me $30, no matter what they length of time I babysit for. I don't know what the exact math is but that roughly works out to...$3.33 or something an hour. For 2 kids. Fucking cheapskates! Last night I babysat the Snow kids for not even 3 hours and I got $15! Why is it that I can babysit 1/3 of the time for another family and get paid 1/2 the money? These fucking people....living a life I know they can't afford. Can't admit that one of them is unemployed and the other works 1 day a week [but they still manage to have no time for their fucking children. And thus these children are VERY odd.], still ass deep in the Liberal party. Always off to soirees for that. I guess paying the babysitter ranks low on what they consider important. Bringing their children gifts home that just about equal what they pay me. And last time I babysat, I ended up paying for the pizza, which was half of what they paid me! And I'm too polite to say anything. How do you bring up that you forgot to leave me money for the piza AGAIN and you owe me $15.50? How do you be tactful about it? I tried but they didn't get the hint. They didn't have money to leave me I bet. Damn fucking people who live beyond their means: swallow your damn pride. Budget for christ's sake. I feel so abused by the people who hire me to babysit and I have so many war stories to tell about the fucking aliens that they all have for children that I believe I will write it all down in one ofmy infamous essays.

it's past 5 now.Lord, what a rant I've jsut produced. Forgive me...I...I watched an Olsen Twins movie tonight! I'm just not well. I have to go watch my usual infomercials now. The faith healing ones. What shite. Who believes these things?

Last thought? Don't EVER make me choose between S Club 7 and Coronation Street again. I needs my Trashy English TV...I just needs it.

She Only Comes When She Is On Top,
Colleen.

Thursday, August 17, 2000 12:42 a.m.
It's just about 1 in the matin. It's raining disasterously, which, if you ask me is a good thing. It's also thundering and lightening, and here I am on the comp. I must have a deathwish.
Summersault was in Halifax today. Despite being in love with the Foo Fighters a mere 2 yers ago, and also OLP [whom now I strangely despise...] I didn't go. My sister went. Alex took Simon there for his birthday. I remember when it was announced it was coming near us I was so excited. I immediately corraled Cherakee and I think Amanda too, into going with me. And then like a week later, we weren't friends anymore. And then suddenly I didn't feel like going anymore. Not because I didn't have anyone to go with. I could have gone w/ kathryn [my sister], and if worse came to worse maybe Alex and Simon woldn't mind me going with them. But I suddenly didn' want to go. I mean, if I don't particularly like the bands [I ahve a few Pumpkins albums. Their stuff is pretty hit and miss w/ me, but they're legends in there own time. i should've gone just to say I went to a Pumpkins show.], I should've gone jsut for the experience and GASP! maybe even the social aspect. Social? I know no such thing. Just social avoidance and social contrariness. It's reached a new low. I meant to mention it [I think I did already], that I've converted to nocturnal hours. Since like the 5th or 6th of August I've been keeping the hours of 4,5 P.M-7,7:30 A.M. I wait for the sun @ 6Am and take a walk. Why? To avoid heat and people. And it's awesome at that time of the morning. Except for today. Today my mom dragged me out of bed @ 2:30 P.M. And I had trouble getting to sleep because I was thinking about Amanda, so I didn't get to bed til 8 AM. AND to top off getting to bed late and having to wake up early, I woke up @ 11:30 AM because I had a phone call. I have my first fucking job interview. FINALLY. I've been searching for a job since JAnuary, and I have handed out a total of 31 job applications and/or resumes and as of yet had nary an interview let alone a job [I don't know how that's possible...on paper I look like a wonder kid what with being Stident Council president and all the babysitting I've done.]. It's for Northern Reflections where Alex just got a job. How surreal would it be if you ended up working with your best [well, only...] friend? I can't imagine us dunderheads working together. It's a tiny tiny store. We'll cause some sort of chaos.

I just made Potato Latkes again. I'll eat them tomorrow. Missie finally called me back [I called her over a week ago] and I'll go over tomorrow.I'm lending her my Supergrass cd, so I'll finish writing the review of it tonight. I have a babysitting offer for Friday. barf. but i need the l'argent. I'm going to Toronto in less than 2 months! Why did I spend so much god damned money in Fredericton? I'm a moron baby...

I missed Amanda a lot last night and I was quite prepared to walk over to her house and ring the doorbell and just say hello and smell her. She ALWAYS used to smell so good, and I suppose she still does. I doubt the 'pain of losing Colleen' has driven her to stop bathing. I think about it all so much, especially on my morning walks. For some reason I don't picture them missing me much. I don't know why. I don't think they miss me half as much as I miss them and here's the stupid part: I ended it. Probably because they're so close and they ahve each other and for the last year that we were friends they were exclusive to each other. So, we didn't do much together. That's actually, the understatement of the year. It's like In taht year they weened off of me. they're used to not seeing me. And I'm used to not seeing them, but when we were friends and when one of them wasn't with me, I was always hopeful that they'd call any minute and want to do something and then later coming to the conclusion that they were doing something together. Whereas when they were together without me, they wern't like "gee I miss Colleen." because they were together and having fun and not thinking of me.I just made it official, i suppose. And Cher gave me a letter and we talked and things are supposed to be cool. Like, i've phoned her once or twice and I dropped a few things off at her house that I cut out of magazines. [that has always been a big thing with me. I have a lot of magazines and I always cut things out for people. And I still look for things for Cherakee and Amanda. And if I find anything, like I already ahve for Cherakee, I'm going to give it to them. I open a new magazine now and I pray for some Dave Matthews band stuff for Amanda and Robbie Williams and Travis and Manics for Cher. I've found some Jude Law stuff, but i think Amanda's gone off him a bit. When i was in Fredericton I looked around for DMB merchandise.] but....I haven't talked to Cher since June. I feel like I should have a reason to call. I was dying to phone her up when I got my hair dyed in early July. but....I didn't, i didn't know if I was "allowed", like I didn't have an ulterior motive to call and then talk about other things too. Last time I saw her she had gotten a new puppy and it didn't have a name and we were laughing about her last dog and it's name and it's midnite howlings and it taking Cher for a drag and how Robert came up with it's name so funnily and how Jackie once thought Cher had gotten a dog for Xmas but it turns out Jackie is just silly and it was a stuffed dog. i teased her about how small the dog was and warned her that it would grow like Clifford the big red dog and she's be Emily Elizabeth. God Damnit,I want to know what the dog's name is! Because I know it is jsut something amazing. They're creative namers in that family. But anyway, last night...i was jsut thinking about how Cher gave me a letter and Amanda didn't. And that's why I've only ended up saying 1 thing to her since that day in May. In my mind it's "well, I can communicate with Cher because she gave me a letter and then we had a discussion. If Amanda had given me a letter or indicated that she wanted a discussion or a better end to things than maybe we'd be able to communicate too." But last night, I was just like "No, Damnit! I don't care if I ever got a letter! I want to see her! I'm not waiting for her to indicate whether she wants to see me!" and I wanted to go over there, but it was late for one thing and for another it takes me 20 minutes to 1/2 an hour to walk over and I don't know...maybe I'd loose my nerve or change my mind halfway there. the whole walk over would be torture. I can't do that waiting like I did that weekend I broke it off. I tried to do it on Friday but for some reason or another I couldn't get in touch with them until the Sunday. it was hell, that weekend. Knowing what I had to do and then having to wait to do it. It's best if I jsut went along with my impulses. Like BOOM I decide on a whim i'm going to go ask Amanda if she wants to go for a walk, it's best if i went zipping right over there thoughtlessly. Urg....things are much better thoughtless when you're plagued with thoughts. And I wonder if amanda is good. becuse I heard that she isn't. There's nothing I can do.I was powerless to help when we were friends I doubt I can help now that I'm external.
i really have to stop because now it's 2 O clock and I'm upsetting myself again. I really hate this layout and I'm breaking my rules and putting up a new one in a few days. i really feel like I should take the whole damn site down, again. or move to antoher host for some change. But...who the hell is gonna host this piece of shit? No one. No one signs the book either.

Sunday, August 13, 2000 11:06 p.m.
New layout. Blerg.

Any updates? I added 2 cd reviews. Holy shit, the first since March. I'll write and add some more. I added a survey result and did some minor work to my to rent list and I added some more movies to my list of favorite movies in the about me thing if anyone cares. Listen, hopefully I'll do some more updates this week, I've just been keeping some odd hours recently. I need to: Add last layout's screen shot, rearrange my to rent list, add some more reviews [I'm thinking cds, books and perhaps concerts even], do some more work on the layouts that never were, add some screenshots of my cool desktops...and some other things that no one had seen yet. My main problem, besides the fact that I wake up at 4 or 5 P.M. and go to bed @ 7 A.M. and have been hallucinating terribly, is that gurlpages will not let me store pictures there just like Angelfire, and my Eccentrica account is only 1 MB and I have like, 2000 kbs left. Not enough to store a whole bunch of screen shots. I need a place to store graphics. I suppose I could [gasp!] store them on my own friggin server, but I don't know how much space I have...especially since every time I turn around Serra's got a new hostee. Dunno, dunno. I'm also thinking of writing. AS I've mentioned I'm now keeping speedfreak/crackwhore hours, and I'd like to record all my activities, all my midnight cleaning and baking. The middle of the night is a good time to get things done, and I'm hauling out all my unfinished works and finishing them. That's why we have a whole bunch of reviews coming up. I'm gonna do all the stuff I've been putting off [mostly for the webpage...typing crap up and so on]. I feel like writing an account of my newfound crackwhore ways, and frightening love for S Club 7 [I hate that show! But I can't stop watching it! God...happy Brits make me a happy Canadian] and Martha Stewart spurts, and dawn walks, and finishing my opus about Tiffany Wooten, because I promised ehr I would over the summer and walk it over to her house. Because I've been cleaning my room in the middle of the night and I am stuck with 10 million pieces of paper which I've written on and never finsihed and I don't want to throw them away but I have to do something with them! And my hair isn't red anymore. It is but a sucky red. I'm using special Rocket Fire Red shampoo and it doesn't work. Blerg.
I have to go now. Before my head explodes.
Colleen.

p fucking s: sign my damn book or I'll have you rubbed out! Send me some crushy lists too for crying out loud....