( come bearing gifts )

moja801 10:46 p.m.
supergrass! you're so silly!

that would be supergrass, in their name shirts from the 'alright' video. but here's the thing! they've changed their shirts around and now no one is wearing their proper shirt! oh fuck, that shouldn't make me laugh as hard as it does. (here's the thing: mickey is wearing gaz's, gaz is wearing danny's, and danny is waering mickey's. oh supergrass....)

that picture is from the cover of a crappy unauthorized bio from 1996 called 'supergrass:the illustrated story' by everett true. it's crappy, it's outdated, it's unauthorized, and i_want_it. and since chapters.ca is my new bitch, i'm gonna get it. soon. yeah. well...soonish.

chapters.ca is way better than amazon.com. it's in canadian funds (hallelujah!). it's prices are good (hello? the nick drake cd i want is freakin' $12.99! the supergrass book is only $19.95! and the supergrass single of 'pumping' is like $11.99!). i just love it, ok? only problem is...i checked my bank account today. i wasn't paid as much as i thought i would be. so, either i've miscalculated (i'm not 100% on when my payperiods are...) or i've been paid incorrectly. and as of 5 PM today my father has not bought my money orders and such.

i know i said i would put a new graphic up in here. but i'm having a block and a big fight with my graphic editor (what a piece of shit! look at the horrible image quality of that supergrass gif! i think it takes all the images i download and spits on them.). very heroic layout up @ psycho-jello. what an undertaking...meg deserves a medal. the splash is totally the image equivalent, the graphic translation of 'music is my radar'.

i have no clue why i feel like i need to do an entry now. i've spent ENOUGH time on the internet. it's homework time right now! i'm just in such a bad mood. i don't want to go into my bedroom. my bedroom + bad mood = (trouble. taking place. and there was troubbbllle......there inside the garden.....) i made a belated 'your birthday was a month and 2 days ago but i was buried alive under AP work...' cake for my mom. it's fucking ugly. it's cracked open at the top, the top has completely slid off the bottom. i used to be so good at baking. now i make quasimodo cakes.

there were fisticuffs in my kitchen this evening. as i valiantly struggled with my culinary monster, an argument broke out between the freres. fists flew and i dove between them (andrew already has a cut and swollen lip. he slipped on ice outside and FELL into his shovel. he got a shovel in his face, and a pulpy bleedy lip.). we couldn't stop james. christ, this scrawny little 55 pound, red headed, bad tempered 6 year old was going fucking apeshit! both my mother AND i had to hold him down, and even then we were only barely doing so! he had a mouthful of brownie at the time and when we were tusseling, it drooled out ALL over my new white shirt. fuck. this is my 2nd of such a shirt too, cos my first got paint on it. i swear if the chocolate doesn't come out i'm forcing that kid to buy me a new one.

i looked like a freak today at school. i wore baggy cargo pants (that don't fit me! they're now too big!i hate them. i can't stand them. i never wear them. and wouldn't you know it, the 1 time i am forced to wear them, someone else shows up wearing them too. ) and my white, 3/4 length sleeved business shirt. i had nothing to wear. i have absolutely no clothes that i can stand to wear. i feel paranoid and itchy in all of them. this is getting sick, all the clothing i have. and out of a closetfull, i can only bear to wear 2 of my pairs of pants and 2 shirts. the rest give me panic attacks when i wear them. no word of lie. i told mom i needed new clothes today. she couldn't have agreed with me more. but nonetheless, i spent the day looking like someone i have now termed as a 'ghetto accountant'. (cos when you throw in my geek glasses, and then my bongo platform running shoes i was all nerd on top, all thug on the bottom. ) as alex said "crunchin' numbers, yo yo!"

i finished the back pages of my daily notes. now that all the little embelishments are done, i suppose i must actually start doing daily notes entire. fuck. i don't know what he wants from me. i don't understand. i am going to put it off. yep, that does sound like a good plan...(problem solved. or at least shoved under the carpet)

oh yeah. updated the crushy list results and the survey results. for christ's sake someone sign my gbook and make me feel like i have friends! for crying out loud...take my survey, submit a crushy list if you haven't already...send me email! i feel so unbelievably shitty. this had better not be pre-menstual. if it is, then i'm selling my uterus on ebay...

i am being reduced,
colleen 'i have no face. i have no arms. i have no grace. i have no charms.' hennan. (just call me 'leen.'

weja301 10:00 p.m.
well, it's 20001. whoops, no it's not...make that 2001. i guess i should close the chapter that was 2000 in the traditonal way: best of lists hurrah!

best albums of 2000:
1)supergrass - supergrass = ok...and i'm not biased. of course i was gonna say this! THIS was the album i listened to the most this year. this was the album i enjoyed the most from 2000! so, of course they get the top spot, even if i absolutely despised the band but loved the album. so there.

2)Kid A - Radiohead = who's in a bunker? me.

*oh shit...realising, that i only HAVE like, 2 albums from 2000!*

ok, 3) then i guess: stories from the city, stories from the sea - polly jean harvey = well, i haven't really started to like it yet. i've only managed to get through it once. maybe i'll start to like it. so just in case, we'll put it up here.

oh dear....and that degenerated fast....how about movies! my vote is split between (incredibly enough) chicken_run virgin_suicides. again, possibly the only 2 movies FROM 2000 i've seen. be patient, i'm still catching up, ok? i still have yet to watch a bug's life...bear with me!

ooh....and today i got some exams back. i failed the 2 most important ones. yeah. i'm doomed. something really strange happened to me in that damn exam room. my scholastic career is like, shot...cos now there's no hope of me getting honours this year (second year in a row for those of you keeping score... ). and fuck, i even TRIED hard at school this year.see, this is what comes of trying! the failure is fucking brutal then. blah. i've eaten too much. if ever there was a time to stick my head in the oven, it would be now! and mr. chemistry guy said that it will only get harder and harder from here. fuck.

oh hey...i forgot books of 2000! wait a sec...i don't think i've read a book from 2000. *scanningscanningmentallyscanning* nope. i don't think i have. i'll ask alex tomorrow. but i don't think i have. *okwaitstoppause* i just realised that i'm about to consult alex over what books i've read!! yeah. i am such an idiot. stupidstupidstupid. is alex my brain? i guess she is. she knows more than me...she knows more ABOUT me than me (just today i asked "alex, what time do i work tongiht?" and she rattled off when i worked. and even last week when both of us were working so much i could still turn to her, and ask what time i worked on a specific day, and she'd tell me. she has both of our schedules memorised. pout. i wish i were as smart and efficient as alex. alex didn't fail ANY exams, did she now? this year, i will strive to be more like alex.......)

oooh...what about best of/worst of lists? yeah:
best moment of 2000: bah...supergrass concert/toronto trip!
worst moment of 2000: ummm...probably the evening i realised i had to break up with my friends, and the ensuing weekend of waiting, and then finally confronting my friends and storming off. yeah, that kinda sucked. ooh...and as long as i'm mentioning my friendless streak, lets talk about the ensuing 5 month depression! hey...cos that was some good times, let_me_tell_you.
oddly, the moment that ties for best and worst moment runner-up: getting a job at northern reflections. (it meant a final release from babysitting and a steady paycheque...but it also meant working at northern reflections )
other mentionables:my psycho-jello family...the only thing worth mentioning about summer 2000...well besides supergrass and fridays with alex. oh, and i suppose if i were at all diplomatic or mushy and sentimental, i'd list the whole 'getting back with said "dumped friends" after 5 months' thing somewhere on here.

amanda made up this wicked game today in drama. it all started when she pushed this piece of paper towards me which said 'alright calculator' i looked at her for a moment then it hit me "ok computer?" i asked. she giggled away to herself and that was how it went all drama. i'm not very good at making them up, but i like ALWAYS get them man! amanda is good at making the 'alternate' album and song titles up. it's fun. try it sometime. and now i must go and eat glue.

moja101 08:21 p.m.
yes&onemorething. i've been stewing over this and i'd just like to announce: it's not silly of me, or for me to like supergrass. it is not strange, nor unexpected for colleen to love supergrass. (especially based solely on the observation that my cd collection contains other audio that is the polar fucking opposite! hole, garbage, and fiona apple may be vastly dissimilar to supergrass and then again to rufus wainwright. but i love them all. _and___why? cos ! music_is_my_radar ! ) i do not need sweepy, weepy, dramatic, angsty, "deep" or profound lyrics to adopt as personal mantras and scrawl on every available surface. i am not a "one band girl", and do not feel pangs of guilt when i share my stereo with another cd. i will not become a "one band girl", because then i will be fenced in, and will miss out on some other great audio that i could benefit from. because, in essence, it's all about audio and reaping the rewards from said audio. it's not about fuckability or leatherpants or dick size or even sideburns and cool hair. i do not feel the need to meld my personality with my favorite band either, in some attempt to become "the supergrass girl", honestly...i have so much more going for myself, i don't need to ride coat tails or become known for specific fandom or obsessive appreciation of someone else's talent rather than talent that i could just as easily possess. (why be the groupie when you can be the rock star? ) i have a supergrass shirt, and i wear it proudly, but not like a badge. i do not need to plaster myself in supergrass just so everyone knows...i do not feel the need to snatch up every piece of merch in greedy competition to prove i love supergrass the best and the most. i just don't. i have a shirt and a poster and i went to a concert. supergrass are my favorite band. but that is such a small part of me. i just wanted everyone to know that. so, to call me the 'supergrass girl' would be grossly and wholly inaccurate, since it is just one component of my personality, and my self. and if you must call me anything, call me the 'music_is_my_radar' girl.'

honestly. some people are frightening.

moja101 05:12 p.m.
woah. 01? and i was just getting used to 00. and life pulls the rug out from underneath you....

so, yeah...merryhappyfuckingnewyear'sday or whatever day it is. i call it 'fuckireturntoschoolthedayaftertomorrow'. that was a crappy thing to wake up to this morning. i spent 44 hours of my 2 week xmas vacation slaving away and selling ugly chenille to women @ Northern Reflections. and sad...in november i complained of getting paycheques for 9 hours of work in 2 weeks. then i complained of doing 23 hours (+ unpaid breaks) in a 4 day work week. and now i find myself grumping over the fact that i only work 3 hours this week and another 3 weeks the next, which will bring me a tidy paycheque of...$30 on the 19th. yeah. i should make up my mind. i am such a loser.

so my sister was supposed to call this afternoon from newfoundland to finalize plans about how and when she will be picked up and such. nfld is a 1/2 hours ahead of us. of course the lazy selfish bitch has not called yet. she's hungover or lost or dead in some ditch somewhere. so, i patiently waited and read the rest of 'bridget jones' diary' (holy fuck...that was such a funny book! i'm curious for the movie now... ) and 4 hours later i finally said 'whatever...i'm going on the net.' grr. she'll be trying to phone now. and i'll get yelled at for being on the net for kathryn's important phone call. bitch.

yeah so i came on the net. no good emails. no signs of life. still no psycho-jello secret santa gift. (ok, well, in all fairness, there hasn't been mail service since friday. ) and maybe i'll redesign in here. but maybe not. maybe later.

i have the opportunity to go to Chapters tomorrow in hali when we pick up my wayward sister and little brothers. pshaw...what a great time to go shopping when i have $14 in my account. this friday i will be paid $250 minus income tax for my xmas break slavery. but that's 3 days too late thank you. oh, does anyone want to hear my new years resolution? i haven't quite decided the details whether it will be monthly or with each paycheque (i'm edging towards monthly because, i mean look at my 2 paycheques for this month: $250 then $30. yeah. exactly. ), but i'm going to treat myself to a book or a cd. because since i've started working in september, i don't think a significant chunk of that money has been spent on me. i hate looking @ my wishlist and seeing things i'm dying to own...just to read or hear. not as a materialistic thing...just...i don't read enough, and there is so much music i want to get my paws on...and ears around. i'm not sure how this will work out. it may fizzle quickly. cos i may not get enough hours to support this little monthly self treat. and then i will agonize over which cd or book to buy. and when i finally decide, our one and only cd or book store won't carry it and i'll have to order it in, and by the time it arrives (2 months later ) the money will be spent and the whole purpose will be defeated. the reason my cd list is so long is that i don't just spontaneously go out and buy myself cds or something. i wait for my birthday and xmas. and i actually, don't like receiving 5 cds at once. it's a scramble trying to listen to them all, and give them all equal time and try to familiarize yourself with each one. i still haven't heard all of 'clayton park' or 'stories from the city, stories from the sea'. (in all fairness tho, that has something to do with my working so much last week, and my lack of stereo system...as my sister took my brand FUCKING new discman with her to NFLD, and then she moved MY stereo from my room to downstairs. yeah. i refuse to move it back. that bitch can do it herself. i refuse to clean up anymore of her messes. )

grrr. last night i went to jake's. it was different. amanda was right. without alex it was different. i enjoyed the way we didn't get to do the new year countdown. we were standing around jake's kitchen and his parents and their friends were in the living room with the local radio station on. we were watching the clock on the microwave. we were lazing around drinking the champagne jake's mom had given us. we thought we still had 3 or 4 minutes left to go. then they erupted in the living room yelling happy new year and we were like "ummm...there's still a few minutes left" but they were going by the local radio station and so we gave up and joined in. it takes all the nervousness out when it's all anti-climactic like that. we ran outside and it was snowing. it was all cliched-cinema moment. and then guns started going off and fireworks exploded and we ran back into the house like the little measly cowards we are. eventually i persuaded everyone to walk a few streets over to my old house with me. i still had a noisemaker and i would shout happy new year at every passing car....and some obscenities if they failed to awknowledge my enthusiasm with either a wave or a honk. cherakee and amanda were wearing flipflops (dumbskanks ) and got like, frostbite. so we returned to jake's. and unceremoniously flopped into our beds. yeah.

urg. mom is cooking food. i don't want any food. she will be upset if i don't eat. the world didn't blow up. and i still have a new red sweater.

/colleen_in_green_pyjamas

&postscript: alex, if you're reading this, email or call me. i will go to hali tomorrow and buy you a cd from futureshop. which one did you want most? barenakedladies? just clarify for me, k? (hey, i just realised today is 01/01/01. lame. )

sude3100 01:11 p.m.
holy fuck a new layout! this has happened extremely irregularly since september (and this from a girl who previous to that used to pride herself on changing her layouts every 2 weeks on the button. i guess i shouldn't have been too proud. i had no life. now i have a job. and i actually leave the house. sorry, it's new years eve, and i'm getting pretty reflective of the year. )
ok, and the updates are: new poll results, new crushy list result, updated cd and gimmies list, past layouts archived [that would be the halloween one and the last 2 pause graphics], 2 new 'neverwere' layouts added to that page, question taken out of the poll, i took last year's xmas gift list down and put up this year's xmas gifts [still a little incomplete]...hmmm. what else? might be other things that i do not presently recall.

at any rate sign my fucking gbook and i'll put a new layout in here in a few days. i've got to shower. i'm going to Jake's tonight. i slept 14 hours last night. and it was beautiful.

here's to the world not blowing up tonight @ midnight,
/colleen. who has a new red sweater.